You did good today! I was especially proud of you when you tried hard not to cry when your baby boy was upset because he thought you had already left and got underway. No one knows how you cried at the daycare yesterday when the teacher asked when you were leaving. No one knows that you had to fight tears in the car, at your desk, or any place that you were alone. No one knows your secrets but me.
I’m glad that when your held back tears became anger because you honestly and truly didn’t want to hear another person tell you, that you joined the Navy and why are you surprised to be going to sea. I’m just glad that you held your ground and didn’t let your anger overcome you. The last thing you need at this point is to start pissing people off with that smart ass mouth of yours.
Trust me, I understand that you want to fall to pieces and that your heart is tearing up inside with the thought of being away. Put your shell on, no one is going to judge you and if they do, FUCK them. No one walks in your shoes but you. No one can tell you how to feel, what to feel, or even how you respond to how you feel.
I know, I know…they say kids are very resilient. That’s cool when it pertains to other people’s children. You know that you can’t shield your children from pain in life and it’s hard when you, yourself are the one inflicting pain on them.
I do have a bit of advice for you…remember that the kids are going through something right now also. They have to say goodbye too. They also have to endure a separation, not just you. No matter how hard it is for you, don’t forget to give them their moment to express themselves. It’s easier to push them away, however, in the next few weeks you are going to have to do better at giving them comfort. Your a badass, I know it but no more leaving them out in the cold emotionally.
You can’t stop now…17 years is a long time. Your almost at the finish line. Don’t be sad, you won’t be gone for long. You can get through this, you once loved the life of a Sailor, enjoy it while you can because once 20 gets here you will look back and wonder where the time went so fast.
As always, I love you…
Sailor, Wife, Mom