Start and Finish

I keep having long conversations with myself about what will it take to start something and actually see it through to the finish.  Then I ask myself what is wrong with me?  I can start a lot of projects and then once the excitement is gone, I’m on to the next adventure.

Do you think I’m afraid of success?

Could I have ADHD?

Or did I get it from my father?  He was a renaissance man of sorts.  He studied architecture but didn’t finish his degree.  He was always drafting building plans and his dream house.  The drafts were amazing and he did manage to build a house from the ground up but life’s circumstances got in the way of him finishing the project and he had to sell the house we built before it was finished.

He went to cosmetology school and he owned a moderately successful hair salon but his stubbornness to continue his training and to keep up with the changing trends kept home from really seeing a comfortable profit. Sleeping with his clients were also a no-no but with his bulging ego he was good at it too.

He owned several businesses throughout his life and seemed as if he would bow out every time he was too good at something.  It’s like he could always find a way to make himself fail.

I’m the same way.  I manage to blow a lead in every adventure or conquest that I set out to do.

imageSee I will show you:

I got a B in my religion class I’m taking online.  Next two classes, failed.  Then there’s the long break in between classes.

Selling Mary Kay has been something I enjoy doing and have done so for over 15 years.  I make a little money and start showing potential to move up, yet I will quit as soon as I start to do well.

I have taken the CPO exam a million times and more than half the time I don’t make board.  Yet, I became a first class in six years and have now spent more than half of my Navy career as a First Class Petty Officer.  I left opportunities to become an officer blow past me because I was afraid to try.

I have a pattern here.  I could list pages and pages of things that I could or should have done differently but now I wonder…

What am I going to start and finish all the way to the end…good, bad, or indifferent? What will it be?

Im always standing in my own way.

I wish I knew the answer.  Hell, I wish I even knew how to start and finish just one thing. Yet I don’t. Can I break this cycle?

Offer your best advice please. I’m really stumped.

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