Six Year Anniversary

This weekend marks six years since my mother died.  This year, I wasn’t the emotional basket case that I normally turn into when the anniversary comes around.  I thought I was handling it well until last night when I realized that maybe I didn’t physically cry but I am definitely going through something.  

Every weekend, I have been busy making Mary Kay deliveries and attempting to have a life outside my house but this weekend, I made every excuse for why I couldn’t or shouldn’t go anywhere.  I was supposed to go pick up some merchandise from my Mary Kay Director to drop off one of my largest orders yet but instead I stayed home and scrubbed the kitchen floor.  

I was glad that I didn’t have my hair appointment.  Even though my hair is in desperate need of attention.  I already knew I wasn’t going.  I blew off my appointment for my car and pawned the trip to the vet for the dog off to my husband.  

I did, manage to still find some time for retail therapy even if it was sub-conscience at the time.  I wasn’t going to Walmart for anything but cleaning supplies, yet $200.00 later I had this euphoric feeling that only lasted as long as it took me to unload the bags from the store.

Not to ramble for too long.  I just wanted to acknowledge that it’s been six years and I have come to accept that maybe I do miss my mom.  I know that I always will.  My grief is not as bad as it was before but I am making progress.  I am going to allow myself to have this weekend but I have to make sure that I don’t sink back into that depressive state that I have been living in for the last 5 years.  I have made great strides to deal with my depression and I don’t want to slip back under.  

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7 Comments

  1. Recently lost my Mom in April. It’s very very raw. I don’t know her to cry. Emotions are a whirlwind. I watched my wide lose her mom 5 years ago and I am not looking forward to this long road ahead for me. I have figured out that I have to kind of be selfish and look at me first when it comes to the grieving.

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    • I understand completely. My mom just passed in 2009. Keep a journal with you and write. Every time you think, hurt, cry put it down on paper. I love to read my journals they help me see how far I’ve come, where I’m going and how I’ve evolved. Plus, you remember what we sometimes forget once we are out of that mood. Writing releases me and keeps things in perspective. I’m going to be praying for you. I’m very honored that you shared a piece of you with me.

      Liked by 1 person

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