Gardein Classic Meatless Meatballs

I’m such a fucked up individual. No wait!

Let me explain.

They (as in my family) had meatball subs for dinner the other day. Mind you, I couldn’t eat them because of my recent surgery and I try not to force my beliefs off on them so I felt bad for deceiving them with meatless meatballs.

I tried to write this shit with a straight face but I can’t. Who the fuck am I kidding? I fucking did it. I switched the meatballs, didn’t tell them and they fucking ate the hell out of them.

I honestly love the Gardein Brand of meatless food. I can get my sometimes picky and critical food critics in my house to eat them without skipping a beat is a fucking miracle.

Anyway…I just wanted to share that I got my kids to eat their fucking veggies.

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I’m Trying to Like You…Veggie Burger But I Can’t

I feel like we are moving too fast.

Maybe we should take it slow?

Was is something I did?

Was it something I said?

Can we try to be friends?

FUCK NO!

I’ve tried to season you. I’ve tried a different brand. I’ve tried to make us spicy.

I tried to dress you up. I’ve tried to make it work but…I simply can’t.

“It’s not you…it’s me!”

Beet and Pear Salad Remixed

I saw a recipe on FB for a Pear and Beet Salad. I sent my husband out with a shopping list but my ass forgot to add a pear to the list. For some reason pears aren’t up on my list of things that I have around the house. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why. It’s simple! It’s a fucking piece of fruit. For years my existence has relied on Mountain Dew and Nicotine as my primary food groups.

Needless to say, I substituted an apple in its place along with a bunch of other items. I used pecans (cause I don’t like nuts…no pun Intended) and green peppers. I got this recipe off of a vegan site and the recipe called for honey. I thought that honey was on the no no list but depending on which website you go to I guess there’s a debate on using honey. Since I had to choose a side, I said fuck it and chose to use the honey. If i fucked up…my bad. I’m sure one of the vegan experts will correct me later. Moving on…

So let’s get to the real shit…the taste.

I remembered that I fucking like beets. As a matter of fact, I didn’t want the rest of the rabbit food. I just wanted the beets. The beets were sweet. I fucking love sugar. I guess the good thing is that the beet offered a better sweetness than me eating a shit load of donuts or cake. My waist will thank me.

Overall the salad was pretty good. Apple and beet on the same fork. Yum! Fuck yeah, I can definitely eat it again. I had to baked potatoes with my salad and I saw a video where they rubbed the potato with olive oil and kosher salt before baking. I followed suit and the skin came out crispy with a hint of salt. I wasn’t childish today! I ate the whole fucking thing. The skin was the best damn part of the potato. As for the pecans, well let’s just say, you all can keep that shit unless it’s wrapped up in some fucking chocolate.

Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture before I stirred it up on my plate. But you get the fucking point.

I’m having surgery today to remove a tumor from my jawline. I probably won’t be able to eat shit for a couple of days. But we will see.

Beefless Ground

I’m still working it out on this journey of veganism. I still feel like these pre-made foods aren’t really hitting but part of this journey is the experimentation.

I originally tried the LightLife Smart Crumble in a breakfast burrito and I couldn’t fuck with the after taste in my mouth. Mountain Dew couldn’t even wash the taste out.

However! I need to eat! So…

I tried the Gardein beefless ground. I was skeptical and not really trying to get my hopes up. I decided that I wasn’t going to fuck up an entire dish trying this shit so I decided to make some rice and the crumble and have that for breakfast.

I added a little paprika and cayenne pepper and warmed on the stove.

Needless to say. I can definitely fuck with the Gardein Beefless Ground. The shit was good. I think I have found my new go to product.

Can you say Whew! I was starting to feel some kind of way. This new journey is going to be a fucking crazy journey. I have a lot of shitty bad habits. But my outlook is one fucking day at a time.

I even got my husband to substitute his breakfast meat this morning. Fuck yeah! One day at a time. Baby steps.

Carve

Have you ever just looked around at this big world and ever wondered where do you really fit in? Fitting in can be a daunting task. We say we don’t care what other people think about us. Yet we do. We say that we love the way we look but yet we peer into the mirror wondering is it good enough? Is it cute enough? Will someone say something about me?

The older I get, I am truly embracing me. I don’t care what people think of me. I don’t care what people say about me. I’m a little plump…I got the whole saggy boob thing going on. I even have the squishy butt that’s heading in the same direction as my boobs. Yet still I say FUCK IT. Who has more swag than me?

I’m carving out my own image. My own mind set. My own individuality! I’m playing by my own rules. Today I am eating meat. Tomorrow, I will be a vegan all day. The day after, I will be whatever the fuck I want. That’s the lovely thing about life it changes daily. It changes by the minute. It changes by the second.

Carve out your place in life. Be great! Do you! Be happy! Be helpful! Be kind. Fuck it! Be mean if that’s what makes you happy! Just carve out you!

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/carve/

 

Eggplant Parm

Another edition of recipes that I’ve tried. I want to become a full time vegan but I can’t be selfish. This was the first time I tried eggplant and veggie spaghetti. Soooo…let’s break this down.

Eggplant is a pain in the ass to prepare. I didn’t know I had to salt it, flatten it to get the water out, etc. After I dried it, I of course wet it back up. Go figure. For a second I felt like I was living in a oxymoron moment. Any who! The eggplant didn’t taste to bad.

The veggie spaghetti started off tasty while it was piping hot but as it cooled so did it’s flavor. Needless to say, I gobbled the shit up quick.

Overall, the meal was good. I would give it a 5 out of 10. I can’t say that it will go into heavy rotation but I will eat this shit again in a month or so after I’m tired of trying new vegan shit. Sadly, I’m having eggplant again tomorrow. Wait to you see this shit I got planned for tomorrow.

If you want the recipe you got to hit me in the comments.

Nest

Have you ever seen Big Bird’s nest on Sesame Street? It’s probably been a while especially when it’s not shown very often. Big Bird of course has this massive sized nest, as he should since he is of course, Big Bird. I find myself comparing my nest to Big Bird’s. I mean, for a while my nest was pretty big. All four of my baby birds and Papa bird fit into the nest quite nicely. We had room to grow and grow is exactly what they did. GROW! And they grew some more and now they don’t fit into the nest like they used too.

Now, I spend a lot of my time perched up in my nest, spending a lot of time alone with my thoughts. It’s funny, as they get older, so do I. I have to face my own mortality, the baby birds having birds of their own, finding jobs and flying away. For a while I felt sad but then quickly felt refreshed because I remembered what Papa Bird said about that empty nest.

An empty nest means freedom. Free to fly to Vegas. Free to fly here or there. Fly anywhere! Sex here. Sex there. Booze in the morning if I want. Booze at night if I like.

Just freedom! The empty nest isn’t looking so bad anymore.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/nest/