Trifling Ass Bitch

There are just some people that should get the Trifling Ass Bitch Award. Here’s a few examples:

The can I bum a smoke guy! Bastard never has his own pack of smokes but smokes the fuck out of yours.

The take someone else’s lunch fuck head. You know you didn’t pack a lunch…shit head. I just want to make a peanut butter and laxative sandwich special just for you.

Then there’s the over excited I don’t fucking need any more coffee guy…you know the one…spills the coffee as he pours, misses the entire coffee cup pouring in sugar, spilled the fucking cream, and of course the coffee ring…all left on the counter as he WALKS THE FUCK AWAY. I hope you burn your fucking soul…douche.

The guy who leaves every single takeout container in the fridge for at least six months. Then they ostentatiously ask…who the hell threw my food out? I guess everyone should watch the penicillin grow too. Fucker!

Or my favorite, take a shit at work guy!! Have you ever heard of a fucking courtesy flush you nasty bitch. Better yet, stay on the floor you work on and do that nasty shit down there.

Ok. My short list of people I who annoy the hell out of me and are most deserving of the Trifling Ass Award.

Oh wait! There’s one more. The ultimate ultimate, there’s the sunflower seed guy. This is the most trifling fuck of all. Sunflower seeds everywhere…on the desk, floor, and worst of all…in the trash can. But you were too fucking lazy to put a trash bag in the fucking can. Complete and utter nastiness. Something about human body fluids being spread all around for others to touch…fucking nasty.

Trifling Ass Bitch…

To be continued….

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My Dixie

I had Dixie for 11 years. We had a lot of cuddles, a lot of eating, and many prison breaks that resulted in me chasing you around the neighborhood in my car. You’ve traveled to many places and you left pounds and pounds of white hair every where. You especially liked staying at the Hyatt. You snored the loudest in their comfortable beds. 5 Star accommodations for a 5 Star friend. We survived 10 vacuums, a few remotes, and plenty of great times. Above all, you were my eyes and ears when Junior was getting into stuff. He didn’t mind you laying on him as a pillow or stepping on him while he was sleep. There’s always room in the tent for you. I will miss you sooooo much my love. You were more than just a dog.

What’s your favorite hang over remedy?

Today, I'm just in the mood to talk. If I tell you mine…will you tell me yours?

I'm first and foremost…a Sailor. I have hit my fair share of foreign ports and excessive parties. However, there have been only a few instances when the day after was a disaster. 

The most absolute, utter fail, and totally over the top hang over came after a night of bar/base hopping in Okinawa, Japan. 

They have this drink called a Strong Island and to be fair, it's basically a Long Island Ice Tea on steroids. The potency of this drink…OMG!!! It's potent. After one, you have and nice warm fuzzy feeling. The second one has you pretty damn nice. If you are stupid enough, myself included, three or more, it's basically the phase before the blackout.

I managed to walk out of the first bar, in my stilettos and into another club across the street. Here is where I made one of many mistakes at this point. I put myself on a collision course to fail when I had to buy a drink to get in. 

Why??? Why did I do it? 

Cause…I'm stupid. That's why.

I ordered a Tequila Sunrise…yes you read correctly. I MIXED drinks!!! The first three really didn't take effect immediately but after an hour or two…mixed with several shots of random shit…the bulkhead was basically the only reason I was still standing. 

Fast forward. Some dumbass decided I should eat something. Worst mistake of the night. The ultimate worst mistake. Food and alcohol do not mix well with me at all. Just like water and alcohol don't mix well for me either. I can't have either one when I'm drinking. 

Long story short…I bar hopped a bit more. Then threw up EVERY WHERE in my barracks room. There wasn't a spot on or near my bed that I didn't miss. Sadly, I slept in it too. 

When I woke up the next evening, the pain from my head, dizziness, and the ability to make coherent sentences was overwhelming. 

The Japanese lady who came into my room to clean it left and came back with cleaning supplies and told me to clean the room myself. I have never been so grossed out in my life. Last time I did that.

Here are my top three remedies for a monster hang over:

1. Sleep it off if you can.

2. Steamed rice and 2 aspirin. I don't know…it seems to work for me.

3. If all else fails…have another drink.

I told…I'm a Sailor. We play by different rules. IJS.

What's your favorite hang over story or remedy? Please share.

Photos courtesy of Pixabay