My three year old’s preschool teacher is pregnant and of course him and his little class mates love talking about her round little belly and how big it’s getting. I’m sure you can already tell where this is going… Me and the boy were laying on the couch watching tv. He lifted up the blanket, poked me in the belly and said,
Son: “Mommy, is there a baby in there?”
My son pokes me again…
Son: “Mommy, if there’s no baby in your stomach, why is your belly so big?”
Me: “Cause, I’m fat!”
Son: “Well Ms. C has a baby in her stomach and her shirt doesn’t fit. Your shirt fits mommy so you’re not disgustating (not a typo).”
Thank you son for pointing out the obvious.
I said that I wouldn’t make any New Year resolutions because I already have a long list of goals that I haven’t accomplished yet. There are a few things in my life that have become non-existent these days.
Here are my four new additions to my goals list:
Now you maybe wondering why I would add something as petty as shaving and waxing to a list but here’s the deal. My son will be four soon and my excuses are well…expired. Actually, it’s not because I’m lazy, my problem is that I can never get in and out of the shower without interruption. My son can be down stairs playing or engrossed in something displayed on his iPad or dead asleep in a coma, whenever he hears the shower turn on he makes his way to the bathroom. My relaxing shower turns into a peep show or better yet, a reason to be mischievous. It’s amazing what a three year old can find. (Note to self…next time you lose something, turn on the shower…the boy is certain to find it). I, shave my legs when time allows probably every three months or so.
I will use my duty days on the ship to shave my legs. Problem solved!
Schedule a Quarterly Spa Day
I would love a spa day and before I had my son I would sneak away every month for a little mommy time. A massage, a facial, and a little waxing would all be so nice but everyone else’s schedule gets in the way of scheduling it. I can barely make my hair appointments but with a little juggling I manage to get it done. I will have to use the same creativity with planning a spa day. I don’t need to go every single month but I do need a little bit more me time.
Since I’m determined, I’m going to splurge and hire a sitter for a couple of hours. Now I really don’t have any more excuses.
Wear Real People Clothes
Every momma knows how it is. I have a closet full of clothes that I never wear. I’ve resorted to my PT clothes as my wardrobe of choice. When the baby was little, it was just easy. Then somewhere in transition I got lazy. It’s easier to just slip on some sweats. I went from fab to drab in three years. Before, it was always a fashion show whenever I left the house now I’m lucky if I even match. I have clothes with tags on them just collecting dust.
I NEED to wear them. Period.
Wear my Shoes
This one is a little tricky. Do you know how hard it is to wear five inch heels while pushing a baby stroller? I’m not Beyoncé. I’m not pushing a stroller or carrying a baby in heels. I do however have to wear my girls at some point. My girls miss me and I miss them. They are carefully lined up in my closet in alphabetical order, collecting dust.
I am wearing my babies, period.
Hit the driving range
I love golfing. I live on a golf course yet I haven’t been to the driving range in a LONG time (we are talking once in a four year period). I have got to do more things that I enjoy and not let my kids dictate my schedule so much. I may sound selfish but I’m turning into one of those women that goes to work and then home, I only take part in my kids interests. I think I have knocked the balance off in my household anyway. Everyone expects me to do everything. Dad is living on easy street, the kids have me car pooling, and the boy and I are attached at the hip.
A trip to the driving range every two weeks will do for now. Next year, I will attempt 18 holes.
My little list of New Years resolutions may sound silly when I explain them. Yet mom’s have a tendency to get wrapped up in the kids and forget to live a little. If I make a list, nine times out of ten, I will make sure the list is complete. So yes, this year, I vow to be a little bit more into me for my own well-being.
Beauty is a bad word that should be categorized to be as bad as saying “fuck”. Every where you look there’s some kind of advertising to make you look younger, feel sexier, look thinner, etc. The women on these reality shows on TV have had so much plastic surgery that their faces will not turn to dust when they leave this earth. The thought of cosmetic surgery has crossed my mind more and more lately. Especially when I realize that the peak of my cuteness has passed. Ok, I’m lying. I’m still cute. I’m just having a hard time with my breasts. I needed a boob job when I was 16 and now that I’m 29+, I really need some assistance. Okay, fuck it…I’m 38 and cosmetic surgery scares the hell out of me, honestly. My boobs aren’t the point.
As I was being selfish thinking about my ever changing body I started to realize how much beauty plays a role on my girls and it’s quite disturbing to me. Where my daughters go to school, they are probably the only little black girls in their classroom and when they were younger, they always wanted their hair to be flat. “Mommy, can you make my hair flat?” It didn’t resonate with me why they always wanted to get a relaxer and have straight hair until one of the girls said that the kids would make fun of their pony tails or braids (w/beads) that I would put into their hair. When I wouldn’t concede to their requests, they started changing the hairstyles once I left for work. Not realizing how much damage they were doing to their hair each day.
About a month ago, my daughter decided to use a razor to cut her eyebrows. I didn’t notice it at first until I really got a chance to get a good look at her. I think honestly, I was the last person to notice it. She had mascara on and her eyes were definitely looking different and that’s what made me realize what she had done. I didn’t even argue with her about telling me “no” that she didn’t have make up on when I know definitely that she did. I wear make up and make up is my side business so I already knew. I was more concerned with the why? Why did she harm herself by cutting her eyebrows with a razor? I know it had to hurt and yet she continued. I’m trying to comprehend the thought process. I know that it hurts like hell if you cut yourself shaving your legs or arm pits. Even as I write this, I feel sad for her because she felt she had no other choice.
She said that her friends told her that her eyebrows were bushy. I mean, she’s only 12 and yes she has thick eyebrows and more than likely we wouldn’t have let her get her eyebrows waxed yet but she didn’t give us any choices. She cut her eyes up pretty bad but yet the pain she went through was worth it to her.
I realize that I have been a 12 year old girl before and I think that my two biggest issues in junior high school was my period and when was I getting boobs. I just learned about a “sympathy bra” from my oldest. I had to go pick up a few in order to get a grade back up in gym class. I love beauty. I’m all for it. I considered myself an ugly duckling in high school and there were even a few times when I may have stuffed my bra a time or two but I wonder.
As a parent, I have to wonder how do I convey:
She’s a beautiful girl just the way she is.
Her personality can literally light up a room.
She’s very intelligent.
She shouldn’t care what other people think about her, it only matters what she thinks about her.
Are the kids today too far gone for them to realize their own self worth? Our values that we have taught her aren’t just values that we taught her today. This is what we’ve discussed since they were young enough to understand. I just have to figure out how I can get her to remember that beauty is only skin deep when she’s knee deep in being judged and ridiculed.
Will it get better or will she want cosmetic surgery before she’s 18? As much as I think I would want some work done on my body, I can’t. What kind of example would I set for her?