The Kitchen – Friend or Foe

The kitchen has been my friend and my worst enemy lately. I went to the store and bought all kinds of vegan and organic items for my consumption.

My fridge is over flowing with fruits and vegetables too. I’m trying hard as ever to do right by my body but this shit is getting harder and harder and I just want a piece of meat.

The problem I’m having is three fold.

1. I feel fucking guilty about the meat.

2. I can’t stop thinking about meat.

3. I’m fucking hungry.

I’m so confused. I don’t have enough food that I am comfortable eating all day or that I have time to make during the day. I’m getting up in the middle of the night hungry. Should I go back to half and half until I’m completely ready to transition completely. I’m asking all of my vegan peeps to weigh in.


And the Award for the Best Vegan Sausage goes too…

Yes, I’m fresh. Yes, I still have a lot to learn, and yes I still have a lot of food to try.


So far…this is the best vegan sausage that I have ever tasted.

After my curry experiment went down the shitter real quick. I still needed to eat and the good thing is I broke down and went to Whole Foods earlier today and I found the sausage that I was looking for.

Are you fucking ready for this? I sure the fuck wasn’t. I bought some Field Roast Mexican Chipotle flavored sausage. I cut up the sausage, chopped up some sweet potatoes, some onion, and sautéed it all together. I added garlic, sea salt and nutritional yeast into the mix.

The smell was shameful. Shamefully fucking good that is. Shit it smelled good. But since I’m not fucking regular, I got out the vegetable stock and tore off a bunch of kale and added it to the game as well. What can I say? I’m a fucking genius.

The sausage has nice heat to it. Kind of spicy but also a little grainy. BUT! All workable. Not overwhelming to the point that it distracted me from shoveling the food in my pie hole faster than I could get it on a damn fork.

I added my concoction to some jasmine rice and I’m still shaking my head wanting more.

If you are new to the game, like me, just let me tell you. I will definitely fuck with these sausages again.

Curry Jackfruit (This is the One That Had to Get Away)

I’m allergic to curry. Mainly curry that is made with like Jamaican seasoning. I thought that looking at the package it was a red curry and I would be able to fuck it up.

I opened the pouch and started to smell the food and all it’s smelly goodness. I put it in the pan to warm and the smelled wafted through my house smelling fucking awesome.

I didn’t notice it immediately because my face is partially paralyzed right now from having my nerve damaged in surgery last week. My lips were already tingling.

I get the jackfruit all warmed up and my greedy ass can’t wait until its on a plate to have a quick bite. I mean really. I see all of these food videos with jackfruit in it and it all looks so yummy so I don’t want wait another minute.

In it goes and almost immediately, I regret my decision. Rash, fat tongue, etc. wrong kind of curry. Sad face. Remember that smell that I mentioned earlier, well needless to say I had to Febreeze the room so I could stop itching.

On the other hand, the jackfruit was fucking delicious. Last month, I didn’t even know what the fuck a jackfruit was and now I’m having one of two explosions in my mouth. The texture reminded me of a piece of beef. If someone hadn’t told me that it was jackfruit I would have thought by first glance that it was meat. Shit! I want another bite.

The flavors were there but I can’t put to words what it tastes like because my allergic reaction put a fucking halt on my tastebuds. I will just say that for a few minute seconds, the shit tasted great.

In the very near future I’m going to make the jackfruit pulled pork and then curry free I will be able to make a full observation.

My husband and kids enjoyed it over a bed of jasmine rice. Unfortunately, I was unable to take a picture.

Just know the vegan life is definitely for me so we will have more food to explore and Jackfruit Company has more flavors for me to try.

Vegan Mushroom Rice

Guess who’s allowed to eat again! This bitch right here! After watching my family eat all kind of goodness and me having all my meals through a straw I’m finally getting a taste of solid fucking food. Hell yes! I missed it so.

First dish up for review. Vegan Mushroom Rice. Okay…let me tell you! This shit right here…it was good. I used baby Bella’s instead of cremini’s because I still wasn’t able to drive myself to the store yet. I was still taking some bomb ass narcotics. I also didn’t use 2 pounds of mushrooms that the recipe called for either because of obvious fucking reasons. Did you think that shit was going to stop me from having this first meal? Hell nah!

The recipe was pretty simple. I knocked this shit out fairly quick. I had to cook half of the mushrooms first and set them aside. Then brown another batch of mushrooms, browned the onions, added the vegetable stock, rice and let it simmer. Easy fucking day.

Now the only complaint to the actual cooking of this dish is that I think the ratio of vegetable stock is off. The stock evaporated pretty fucking quick even on a low temperature so I had to add more stock. The rice was still under so I had to add more stock. I think that I will warm the stock and cook this shit like risotto next time.

Let’s get to the real shit…the taste. Definitely needed less onion then what the recipe called for. The onion was very strong. Shit, my kids only got a few bites in before they start bitching about the oniony taste. I had to throw in my own seasoning because there were no spices on the recipe which was a fucking bummer because mushroom absorb spices so damn well. But overall the Mushroom Rice was fucking good and I will keep fucking with it in the future.

Thanks for allowing me to share my opinion. If you have any tips, ideas or recipes I can try then hook me the fuck up! Please and thank you.

Gardein Classic Meatless Meatballs

I’m such a fucked up individual. No wait!

Let me explain.

They (as in my family) had meatball subs for dinner the other day. Mind you, I couldn’t eat them because of my recent surgery and I try not to force my beliefs off on them so I felt bad for deceiving them with meatless meatballs.

I tried to write this shit with a straight face but I can’t. Who the fuck am I kidding? I fucking did it. I switched the meatballs, didn’t tell them and they fucking ate the hell out of them.

I honestly love the Gardein Brand of meatless food. I can get my sometimes picky and critical food critics in my house to eat them without skipping a beat is a fucking miracle.

Anyway…I just wanted to share that I got my kids to eat their fucking veggies.

I’m Trying to Like You…Veggie Burger But I Can’t

I feel like we are moving too fast.

Maybe we should take it slow?

Was is something I did?

Was it something I said?

Can we try to be friends?


I’ve tried to season you. I’ve tried a different brand. I’ve tried to make us spicy.

I tried to dress you up. I’ve tried to make it work but…I simply can’t.

“It’s not you…it’s me!”

Beet and Pear Salad Remixed

I saw a recipe on FB for a Pear and Beet Salad. I sent my husband out with a shopping list but my ass forgot to add a pear to the list. For some reason pears aren’t up on my list of things that I have around the house. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why. It’s simple! It’s a fucking piece of fruit. For years my existence has relied on Mountain Dew and Nicotine as my primary food groups.

Needless to say, I substituted an apple in its place along with a bunch of other items. I used pecans (cause I don’t like nuts…no pun Intended) and green peppers. I got this recipe off of a vegan site and the recipe called for honey. I thought that honey was on the no no list but depending on which website you go to I guess there’s a debate on using honey. Since I had to choose a side, I said fuck it and chose to use the honey. If i fucked up…my bad. I’m sure one of the vegan experts will correct me later. Moving on…

So let’s get to the real shit…the taste.

I remembered that I fucking like beets. As a matter of fact, I didn’t want the rest of the rabbit food. I just wanted the beets. The beets were sweet. I fucking love sugar. I guess the good thing is that the beet offered a better sweetness than me eating a shit load of donuts or cake. My waist will thank me.

Overall the salad was pretty good. Apple and beet on the same fork. Yum! Fuck yeah, I can definitely eat it again. I had to baked potatoes with my salad and I saw a video where they rubbed the potato with olive oil and kosher salt before baking. I followed suit and the skin came out crispy with a hint of salt. I wasn’t childish today! I ate the whole fucking thing. The skin was the best damn part of the potato. As for the pecans, well let’s just say, you all can keep that shit unless it’s wrapped up in some fucking chocolate.

Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture before I stirred it up on my plate. But you get the fucking point.

I’m having surgery today to remove a tumor from my jawline. I probably won’t be able to eat shit for a couple of days. But we will see.